Hi guys. Welcome to QuotesG. As you can tell today, I’m actually not going to talk about women, but about men and Why Men Self-Sabotage Relationships | What Every Girl Needs to Know?
Why? Simply because this one thing really affects women in a relationship, and that is when a man suddenly ends a relationship and goes from hot to cold, you might be pissed.
You might be wondering what’s going on because he was hot and all over you just yesterday. But there’s nothing you can do about it because sometimes men will self-sabotage relationships.
- What is Self Sabotage?
- What Causes self-sabotaging behavior?
- Is he doing it on purpose?
- How Does he Self Sabotage Relationships?
- Sign of Self-Sabotage Relationships
- Final Words
What is Self Sabotage?
It’s really simple it’s when your boyfriend’s actions get in the way of maintaining a healthy relationship.
What Causes self-sabotaging behavior?
Almost always fear. Fear of rejection, fear of engulfment or fear of intimacy. And usually these fears STEM from past traumas or past experiences in his life. They have nothing to do with you, but they are things that he has not dealt with yet.
Is he doing it on purpose?
Most of the time he’s not even aware that he’s doing anything. He thinks he is connected to you and loves you, but subconsciously in his mind, he’s freaking out about the pressure of commitment or the possibility of a breakup.
And because of that fear, his brain is actively looking for ways to get him out of that situation. Because at the core, self sabotage is your brain’s attempt to protect you from possible harm.
How Does he Self Sabotage Relationships?
Well, in many, many ways, but today I’m going to share 10 with you.
Sign of Self-Sabotage Relationships
1. Trust Issues
The number one way that men self-sabotage relationships is by being paranoid about you leaving him. It shows through jealousy, excessive control, or being possessive.
And if you’ve ever been with a man that has trust issues, then you know that it gets really uncomfortable because you feel controlled and you feel attacked all the time and it lasts until you can’t take it no more and decide to leave the relationship.
2. Picking Unnecessary Arguments
The second most common way that men will self sabotage a relationship is by picking unnecessary arguments. You will notice that suddenly every small debate turns into this huge fight.
It’s almost as if he is causing conflict on purpose, which he actually is because you stepping out of character would justify a breakup on his part.
3. Ignoring You
A very toxic way of self sabotage is by ignoring you. He will not pay attention to your requests and ignore your needs because he’s afraid of being too needed by you.
So rather than establishing healthy boundaries, he will start to withdraw his love from you so that he can gain space again.
And if you have been in that situation like I have before, then you know that this is a very painful experience because that’s when most women get really anxious and start questioning their behavior. And in turn we get really needy and the relationship comes to an end.
4. Being Emotionally Unavailable
I’ve had a lot of experience with emotionally unavailable men in my past, so I’ll probably be talking about it for the rest of my life, but it’s actually also a very, very common way in which men self-sabotage relationships.
It’s linked to the fear of intimacy. It means that he does not want to get too vulnerable with you because he knows if he gets too vulnerable with you, a possible breakup would hurt more.
So he starts to keep you at an arms-length because he wants to avoid a hurtful breakup. But at the same time, he’s actually keeping the two of you from connecting on a deeper level.
So what ends up happening, you guys never really bond and down the line, the relationship would just fizzle out.
Cheating is the worst way that a man can act out on fear, but unfortunately it still happens. In his mind throwing this grenade into the relationship will make you lose your trust, which would give him an out of the relationship.
It’s a very selfish and very hurtful way to act, but some men just don’t know better and decide to deal with their fear like that.
6. Looking for a Flaw
There’s a German saying that says if you’re looking for a flaw, you will find a flaw. It’s a very common way in which men and women really self sabotage relationships and that is by focusing on that one thing that they think is wrong in the other person.
So he zooms in on that flaw, let’s say it’s your high pitched voice. It’s very harmless, which makes it even worse, but to him it’s a reason to opt out of the relationship because he can tell himself she is just not right for me.
7. Being Inconsistent
In today’s dating culture, this is so common. Like in the beginning of a relationship or in the dating phase, you will notice that he repeatedly cancels plans is unavailable or ghosts you for a couple of days.
That’s a sign that he’s afraid of commitment and therefore bread crumbing you because he doesn’t want you to get too attached or to assume that you’re already exclusive, which really is his fear to be too engulfed.
8. Not Committing
This one obviously goes hand in hand with the last one. When a man is not 100% ready for a relationship, he will often play games to distract from the real issue.
He might refuse to make the relationship official or public or he may prioritize other commitments before you. The sad thing is that by stalling the growth of the relationship because he’s afraid that it would get too serious, he’s actually dooming it to fail because now the relationship will never get serious enough.
9. Quitting before it gets too Real
This one really makes me mad because I believe it’s the most sneaky and f$*%ed up way to self sabotage a relationship as a man and that is by quitting before the relationship ever has a chance to get real.
A lot of men will be afraid to put in the work that it takes to make your relationship last and therefore they will quit at the first sign of challenges and then they will go and tell everybody that it was just not meant to be.
The timing wasn’t right or the two of you were incompatible, but guess what? The next relationship will take just as much work if you want to make it last.
10. High Expectations
This one is a big one for women, but men do it too, and that is to set unrealistic expectations of what you have to look like or what you have to do that sets you up to fail because once you’re not able to meet his high expectations, it now becomes like a self-fulfilling prophecy that confirms his speculations that you’re not the right one for him because you can’t meet his expectations. But in reality, nobody can meet his expectations.
Listen, these reasons why men self-sabotage relationships got me all riled up, but I want you to keep in mind that a lot of it happens subconsciously so he’s not even aware that he’s doing it.
Does that mean that you should excuse his behavior? Nope. What that means is that you need to pay attention to those behaviors and realize that his fears are his to deal with and not yours.V